10 Jokes To Spice Up Your Day

1. ASUU executives and some top lecturers were called for a meeting in England.

While they were seated and gisting in the plane, a man came in to inform them that the airplane was invented by their Students and it is on the first experimental trip.
 
Before the man could close his mouth, they all bolted with lightning speed out of the airplane, leaving only one.
 
When they asked him why he didn't run away, he said; If it is based on what we have been teaching, the plane will not even start.

 

2. A Woman was taking a stroll in the woods when a genie suddenly appeared before her.

The genie aforesaid to her, "Do not be afraid. I am going to grant three wishes for you.
 
Just name them. And by the way, keep in mind that your spouse will get whatever you wish for in 10 folds."
 
The woman said, "No problem"
 
  • For the first wish, she wanted to be the most attractive lady in the universe.
 
The genie reminded her that women would be chasing her man as he would become the most handsome man in the world.
 
She replied, "That is okay since I will be the most attractive woman in the world. He would be exclusively interested in me."
 
With that, she instantly transformed into the most attractive lady in the world.
 
  • For the second wish, she wanted to be the wealthiest lady in the world. 
 
The genie reminded her that her husband would be ten times richer than her in which she told him that as a couple, they jointly own everything. The genie granted her wish.
 
  • The genie then asked about her 3rd  wish, and she answered, "I want to have a mild  heart attack."
 
Attention feminine readers: This can be the tip of the joke for you. Stop here and continue feeling good.
 
 
 
 
Male readers, Please scroll down
.
.
 
The man had a ten times milder heart attack
 
What, I thought I said women shouldn't read further? Do you people listen at all?
 
 

3. A billionaire was in church for Thanksgiving.

 
"Repentance" was selected as the topic of the sermon.
 
At the end of the sermon, The pastor asked the congregation "Anybody that wants to give his life to Jesus should inform me by raising his hand so that I could pray for him"
 
He asked over and over again but no one showed interest.
 
The billionaire went to the altar and said "please lift your hands up if you want to give your life to God. We need more good people in this city".
 
A guy reluctantly raised his hand.
 
The billionaire opened his briefcase and handed twelve million Naira to the man.
 
The billionaire asked the same question again and this time, almost everyone's hand went up.
 
The billionaire turned to the Pastor to pray for them, to his great astonishment the Pastor's hand was also up.
 
 
 

4. Intelligence: Sam and Olu

Sam: Olu my man, I met a game today and he promised to grant me any wish.
 
Olu: Great! what did u ask for?
 
Sam: I asked him to increase your intelligence ten times.
 
Olu: Oh! Sam my main man. Thank you so much. Did he do it?
 
Sam: He just laughed and said ten times zero is equal to zero. 
 

 

5. Akpos and his Boss

Boss: Take this N200,000, go to the market and get a good laptop with a big RAM for me.
 
Akpos: Yes sir!
 
Akpos was nowhere to be found for two days. So the boss decided to give him a call.
 
BOSS: Hello, Akpos, where are you? I am still waiting for you.
 
Akpos: Sorry Oga. I went to get the RAM
 
Boss: RAM? What? What are you even saying? Where are you now?
 
Akpos: I'm on my way back from Katsina.
 
Boss: Katsina?
 
Akpos: Yes Katsina. I got the Laptop at Ikeja but I had to travel to the north to get a big RAM. Na only dwarfs we get for Lagos.
 
Boss: what?!
 
 

6. A vet was trying to treat a cow belonging to a farmer who was standing by the side.

The vet inserted a pipe into the rectum of the cow and began to blow. He blew for so many minutes but he didn't get the desired result so he asked the farmer to try blowing.
 
Much to his surprise, the farmer turned the pipe to the other side and inserted it into the cow and attempted to blow
 
Vet: what are you doing?
 
Farmer: Judging from your mouth odor, I would rather put my mouth where this cow's anus touched than where you put your mouth.
 
 

7. Some women went swimming in a river.

They undressed and began to play around.
 
Some minutes later, Akpos came to the river bank with a sack and began to stare at them.
 
One of the ladies asked, "what are you looking at? You better get out of here because we won't come out of this water unless you leave"
 
With that, they swam to the deeper parts.
 
Annoyed. Akpos replied, "Who cares about your ugly nakedness?
 
I am actually here to feed the crocodiles but it seems like you will soon make my job easier.
 
The girls screamed and swam out of the water.
 
 

8. A traveler was on a long journey through a forest.

There was a route which could serve as a very good shortcut for him to get to the next village but unknown to him, the route was full of evil spirits and ghosts and it was already 10 pm.
 
After walking for about 3 kilometers into the forbidden land, he heard strange cries from different areas and unknown voices calling out his name and taunting him.
 
As he was turning round and round looking to see if he could find anyone, a ghost touched him on the right shoulder. 
 
He screamed in freight and began to run. He felt some relief when he spotted a house. He ran straight into it and locked the door.
 
The man who was occupying the house asked him
 
Man: what is wrong?
 
Traveler: I don't know what is happening. I wanted to take a shortcut to the next village but I have been hearing strange voices. A spirit even touched me.
 
Man: That is the problem with the people of this generation. You never adhere to the rules. I would never have done such a thing if I was still alive.
 
The traveler fainted instantly!
 
 

A man and his grandson were shopping in a supermarket.

The man noticed that the boy was touching things around.
 
He shouted.''Degree, will you stay in one place before I break you in half?"
 
The boy returned to the grandfather.
 
Surprised, the security man asked; 
 
''Is that the name you gave him?'
 
The grandfather  replied;
 
''Yes. I worked hard, beg and did menial jobs to get my daughter, his mother to the university and this boy was all she came back with".
 
 

10. Akpos fell into a well and was yelling for rescue.

 
His son came with a rope to help.
 
Akpos: what did you pay for the rope?
 
Son: #300 sir
 
AKPOS (Still inside the well about to drown, shouted): What! Useless boy why can't you use your brain?
 
Hurry up and return it. Go to Okoro's shop at Sapele. He sells it for #50. Hurry up before I die here.

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